Red eye moonlight

A sinful sight, cars parked in lots beneath a dripping sky, People chatting quietly, packing cars, drops of wine, Wondering how tonight is just a moment in time. Did you ever see such a normal sight with brand new eyes?

Did you ever see how beatufiul it is to just spend time? Do you wonder how hard you chase one dollar like it’s a million dollar dime? Is your day muted grey, low talking people walking away, migraine stings, another task, just complete one more thing? Have you ever hated the sound of your very own phone ring? And go home on Friday wondering why your heart won’t sing?

Ever wonder about what real life keeps tucked under her wing? Why dinners even turn dull when so blessed by this freedom thing? Why do we let these things dirty our blessed labor’s fruits? Why do we let so much get pinched by no-name men in suits? Is true freedom even here when we insist we must have be blessed? Or are we ignorant as hell and gratitude is just a sociable guess? Is this too much negativity to say publicy to you? Am I just a complainer that says life is hard, get off my chest I was told freedom and forgiveness live here, so why’s there this much plate in my vest Is it too much to say, to needy to confess? Maybe he just got caught up in too much of the wrong parts of the West Did he own his own shit and work hard to get out of his mess Did he get pinched by friends, liars, the law and fail all his shit-tests

Well let me tell you, by the secrets of the divine, I don’t know where to begin, which cause, choice, or point in time, But at one point I felt there was no ground left beneath me to give, And it felt like every wasted day made me less able to live, I don’t mean to share war stories and put this on your mind, But the worst people in life make you their very own lucrative find, Of peaking through your failures at others living simply and casually, They don’t know the day they live seems perfectly sublime.

If you’ve ever been stomped on, betrayed, pinched, or found out, You might know the beginnings of some of what I’m talking about. I wasn’t raised wrong and I wasn’t perfect at all, If you had a tough childhood maybe this isn’t really about that at all, Instead it’s about failure and knowing what you’re failing towards, Because the same dismal rat race every day revolves around someone else’s chores, And if you don’t understand how to take breaks and enjoy sunsets, Or just spend your hard earned money on getting that next thing or more, Do you really know that’s not what work and living are actually for? Sure employment gets tough and some things just get held up, But the going gets tougher for someone else’s raised cup.

Is this really about a simple night and feelings sublime, I thought there was a parking lot with people waiting in line, Some kind of communal space with people packing pints and bottles of wine, And some hood rats in the back of the lot hydrating with turpentine, Chain smoking and music and couples dressed to the nines, The chatter of restaurants, familiar people waiting to dine, The patience and comfort of friends stuck in the waiting line, The milling of shadows beneath a stucco skyline, A simple place full of simpler needs, A little community, food, and love holds back creeping weeds, Sure I’ve seen bad I’ve seen fast I’ve seen slow, But when others live so good and you’re told to just let go, “It’s your fault; you’re not pinched, you take things to serious, relax, You’re just poor and skinny get on r/looksmax.

“I’m sure there’s happiness out there waiting for you, And if you tried at all I’m sure something better will come through, You’re probably not honest, you seem like a whining type, It takes hard work to get through and live a good life, He seems to have jealousy on his mind this good night, And I can’t spare the time or the dollar so he better move on up into the light, I can’t imagine being unable to work and he says he’s got a degree, Oh two? Well why didn’t you try working for three? It’s impossible to be educated and latino and held up for that long, He must have spend each night each week hearing noise from that gong,

“There’s no way God would let down someone raised from such a nice fam…” And then he packs up his profits and dinner drives home in his Lam, “Maybe work on your manners say “yes sir” and “yes ma’am”, If you work for tips and smile nice you’ll make even a grand, And there’s no way to fail standing, it’s impossible in this land, We’re the best in the West; we’re free and we work hard. Besides all your medications suggest you’re a fat piece of lard, And your mental health problems suggest a real attitude issue, Maybe you should boohoo about a living wage deeper into that tissue, And honor your family for a change because they’ll miss you, If you love them enough then this negativity you would eschew.

“See your story seems unbelievable, there’s work everywhere! And these applications are so easy now it’s like you don’t even care! Besides you said you’re a technical guy who writes good software? There’s no way you haven’t been watching cartoons in your underware! If you feel so sinister about friends, politics of dating and all that mess, You should try therapy and ditch that thick leaden vest, It’s clearly weighing down your mind that shit you claim’s on your chest, If you just applied to jobs you would pass each of their tests, These recruiters are great!” he says as he leaves. And I look down as the wind blows my sincerity away through felled leaves,

So instead I lurk under lamplights smoking my cigarette, Wondering if I’ll ever get out from underneath of this debt, If there’s anything else in the world that I regret, It’s not trying hard enough to honor how my table was set, It was set for a prince, nay at least three, I am sure, And I was told from an early age that forgiveness is pure, But for some who aren’t wordsmiths disbelief and fear lead the way, And sometimes you seem like a villain when you know you can’t pay, You’re exhausted and have no time left to play, Where were the weekends I was supposed to have where my dad led the way? Nowadays their seems like their were none, it seems like a big lie, Did that dude really pitch bullshit halfway through a fifth of rye?

Isn’t that what God seems like to someone down on their luck? They’re minutes away from homeless and no-one seems to give a rat’s fuck? If everyone is so generous and free and enlightened, No one wants a handout from God but they don’t need to feel so frightened, I work as best that I can, I know more things about tech than I can stomach, So why do unrealistic job ads and middlemen recruiters make me feel flumoxed? And on top of that I know that I could build my own way, If I had the cash to start up I could get in line to give banks half my pay, And if I just trusted whats advertised Id be well on my way, And I’d have no energy to worry about anything at the end of my day, Like where did I run free in this land that claims me, And tells me its my fault and dont look at the arrests on the TV, It’s all in your head but when I go to therapy, They tighen their grip harder dismissing what’s clearly sanity,

I was told this was all Christian, it’s God’s plan as intended, And yet this social darwinism through capital markets has the whole narrative upended, Besides there’s starving people everywhere else with stomachs distended, You don’t want to climb over your neighbors and revel in status pretended? What reality suits you best for your mind? Don’t you realize everything that matters when you’re young is this ruthless kind of dime? At the end of the day love is such a nice treat, Because you’re young enough to say “fuck it” and get what the heart needs, But every day the dime comes first the scarred heart tissue opens and bleeds, And the market robs you of strength because others don’t share, And to make matters worse the state of mental health care.

Society makes you pay retroactively for crimes it commits, Bullies and in-laws and sexism gender roles bullshit, And yet no one talks and if you do you seem weird, And if you find comfort and in solace you’re the disappointment my dear, Suddenly your heart was meant for love, but there’s no end to the advice! Yet I worship this dollar as the time slips away even without vice, There’s no way to escape this shit show of lies, And all anyone does out here is just to advertise, For themselves for their product for their lifestyle or their view of God, And if you cannot relate funny enough you seem entirely too odd, And they’ll write about you and push you around to see how you move, I didn’t realize that you had the right to shackle me, dude.

Do such places to you seem taken for granted? Or do you look on with envy at people taking their own time, While you wait at the gas station rushing to work for the dime, Chasing an advertisement out there someone else gets to live, While you patiently practice your good manners to give, And others spend disgusting amounts on the lives that they live. But if you’re just patient enough, maybe there’s more, but just if, you do what we say, for this much bread we’ll share for you to live, And if you know what’s best you’ll be happy to give.